The Scars

The scars you can’t see are the hardest to heal.
Astrid Alauda

So true. My physical scars have healed but the grief still rolls over and over me.


Tears from no where

When I decided to write a blog it was because I wanted to tell my own story and not, necessarily, give my opinions on other peoples stories.
I didn’t intend to talk about self harm or suicide in any great detail although it has played a huge part in my life in many ways.
Today, however, I found myself stood in the middle of the local shop staring at the newspaper headlines and wiping tears from my cheeks. Why? I’m not sure to be honest.
I’m not sure if it’s because I feel so sad for L’Wren Scott’s partner & family at their tragic loss, having lost my best friend and my partner recently I know first hand how totally and utterly devastated they will be feeling,
if it’s because I can begin to understand how helpless and hopeless they must feel that they couldn’t stop this tragedy from happening (which I strongly believe they couldn’t) having had close friends in similar situations or if it’s because I understand fully how she herself must have been feeling prior to ending her life intentionally having been in those dark depths of despair myself many times in the past.
Whatever the reason for my tears (and it was probably a little bit of all the above) they came and took me once again by surprise.
Once again we are seeing that mental illness doesn’t care who you are, where you are from or what you have, it strikes where it wants and leaves a trail of devastation behind it.

R.I.P L’Wren Scott

I truly hope the memories you have left with your loved ones will help carry them through this heartbreaking time.

The Beginning of the Beginning

On New Years Eve 2009 I found myself being admitted to an Acute Psychiatric Ward. It was my third admission in 5 months but this admission was to be different. During this admission I made a very special friend who has gone on to change not only my life but the life’s of both our children in ways neither of us could ever have imagined. She will never know this as, unfortunately, she passed away in November 2012 at only 25 years of age from an unrelated condition.
Not even in the period directly following her death did I realise just how much she would influence the rest of my life.
Yesterday, Friday the 14th of March 2014, marked the beginning of the rest of our lives. By “our” I mean myself, my two daughters and my new son.